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Yearly Archives: 2013
“Several years ago, I would have told you that I thought a brotherhood was just a group of bros that do stuff together. A group of guys that are all good friends with each other. Maybe date some of the same girls, play the same sport, do some of the same drugs, or study some of the same stuff.
I wanted to be a part of something like that. In middle school and most of high school, I had friends, but I wasn’t a part of any of these “groups.” I always felt like I was naturally excluded from these brotherhoods, figuratively (and sometimes literally) standing on the outside of the circle, looking in and listening. If only I could be part of that circle!
It was only when I started becoming part of these groups of friends that I realized that I still wasn’t satisfied. This multi-friend phenomenon I built up in my mind wasn’t as fulfilling as I imagined. I was still missing something.
I was on Young Life work crews at camps for three straight summers, where I experienced and learned an astronomical amount of important things about life, including what a true friend is. But after every single time I was on work crew, instead of dwelling on and living out the most important things as I returned to real life afterwards, I spent all of my time either clinging on to the long-distance friendships that began at camp, or exhaustingly working to get the friendships I had at home to fill the void left in me after I had to leave camp and the friends I made there.
These are just a few examples of how I’ve spent my entire life continually searching for people I can develop relationships with, thinking that such relationships would satisfy the longing inside me.
I just didn’t get it. And despite all of the truth God instilled in me off and on throughout the next four years, I still didn’t get it. The idolatry of interpersonal relationships had completely poisoned my brain, and only a complete and utter embrace of truth could cure me. But I ran away from the truth and continued to chase after the lie that this world is more important than the next.
A wise friend once told me that the universe is rigged so that anything that doesn’t revolve around God completely falls apart. In my life I can say with certainty that I have spent far more time thinking about my relationships with other people than my relationship with God. And only in the past couple months have I realized that this is not normal, this is not natural, this is not the way God intended life to be. These fragile, meaningless friendships I had weren’t satisfying because I was missing Jesus the entire time. Everyone around me was on a pedestal above my Father.
I was loving, pursuing, worshiping my best friends, my work crew friends, my girlfriend. I was trying to serve earthly gods I had crafted in my mind from a desire for acceptance and love. And when the respective universes surrounding those gods always fell apart, it never hit me that they fell apart because those people were not gods. They are broken, sinful people like me. They couldn’t handle all of my struggles. They didn’t have the answers to all the questions I asked them. And they weren’t the creator of the universes that revolved around them in my mind, and therefore everything fell apart. Voids were left in my soul when those universes fell apart, and instead of running to the only One who could help me, I rushed to fill that void with more idols, more earthly persons I could love and worship and yearn for love and acceptance in return.
As I said earlier, I was missing Jesus the entire time. And it was right under my nose. Every time I went to church or went to youth group or spent my summers at Young Life camps, my Father was calling for me to cast away my idolatry, run back to Him, and to immerse myself in His perfect love and holiness.
I know now that a true brotherhood is a group of men which is centered on God. A group of men in Christ who gather to spread God’s glory in this world, where each member ensures that he and his brothers are keeping the only true God at the forefront of their lives. And I invite any of my brothers that are reading this now to pray for me and for each other. Idolatry is one of the most formidable weapons used against our identity in Christ, and God knows I could use some help in keeping Him at the forefront of my life, thus ridding me of the idols that have corrupted my mind for so long.”
My struggle became, “God where’s the justice? Where’s the fairness for me?”
“I have reached a point in my life now, where I understand that loneliness is supplemented by communion with Christ. I used to think that I needed friends, or better yet, a girlfriend to fill that void. I can’t count the number of times that I thought that I needed a girlfriend. However, resting more and more on God for emotional needs is a very liberating place to be. He meets them in every way.
I must say, that this time last year, had I been in a similar situation (lonely in the foreign city of Seoul, Korea), I would have been craving the attention of a woman; thinking that IF I just had a girlfriend in my life, things would be okay. This has always been an idol of mine, and it’s nice to have put God back in his rightful place on the spiritual totem pole; at the very top.
This new place in life is seriously making me rethink Christian singleness and whether it is right for me. I always knew it was legitimate, just as Paul says; but I never believed it was legitimate for me. In the back of my mind, I would say, “Yeah, well good for single people, I’m going to get married one day.” But I think if I had a choice right now, I would choose being single for a long time. I like it like this. And for as long as I can remember, I was always dissatisfied with single life. But that goes to show how drastically life can change when our priorities are straight and our idols are squashed. Sure, this idol probably has not gone away forever, like most idols in our sinful hearts, but for now, I’m enjoying life without it.
I remember a couple years back, my Aunt Patti giving me advice about being single (she was married young) and she essentially told me that there is so much to experience in being single; in life, in our walks with God. Her advice was very much in line with what Paul says about being single (which was radical in his day and still is), and at the time I didn’t understand fully what she was trying to tell me; and I think she knew that I just didn’t get it at the time because I had blinders over my eyes. But I understand it now. I understand.”
One break in a family can cause a ripple effect throughout the rest of it…